we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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