thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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