he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
