ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
