walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
