All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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