Your face is a jimmy john
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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