I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
