the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
