I'm lost and stupid without you.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
