Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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