He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
