I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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