she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
