We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
