I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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