So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
