So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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