I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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