i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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