Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
