Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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