you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
