i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
