why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
