i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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