If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
