I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
