The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
