im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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