I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
