i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
