I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
