i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
