He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I want to walk on stilts...naked
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
