it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
