I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
