i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
