Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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