maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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