Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
