i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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