Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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