Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
