ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
