how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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