omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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