I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
