Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
