Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
