i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
