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but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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